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hayyyy [01 Apr 2007|09:31am] this time last year i was still sleeping in my house.. mike just dropped me home.. after a night of  "depression" that was rili sad... right now.. im in my pajamas.. about to get dressed to go to church and to watch his game... yesterday i met him at the mall.. it was rili sweet... i miss him more than hed ever know.... d=( *and i dont look like a doll* hahah think of me

perfect... [29 Mar 2007|07:59pm] [ mood | depressed ] i thought that the pain wouldnt come back anymore.. and it did.. turns out i had the later stage of gastritis? where when i eat it hurts alot.. ughh...  i cant have:   sweets   milk   soft drinks   juice   anything acidic just water and soup... this sucks... i miss school.. and people... and ahh! basketball is such a violent sport... even for 18 year olds think of me

i hate this [29 Mar 2007|11:21am] [ mood | crappy ] so it hought i was getting better last nigt but, i didnt. the spasms got even worst and the minty stuff and warm water couldnt help me anymore..  i was about to go to the hospital at 2 am since i really couldnt take it anymore.. but instead my mom called my uncle doctor adn we went over to his house.. he told my mom wut medicine to give me.. and it worked.. thank God....  i missed school again today.. kinda sucks cuz i wanted to go to psych and chem today... i dont think im gonnna go for 4th block.. study hall.. i dont see the point anymore...  i hate being in pain... think of me

make up your freaking mind [28 Mar 2007|09:18pm] [ mood | blah ] so i went to school today for forth block... and to join dance practice... in math THE BOY constantly tries to catch my attention but with the pain and anger im in i choose to ignore hima s much as possible. it is soo crazy though because no matter how much im mad at him or confused because of him or in pain.. i ALWAYS want to talk to him... hes the one i want to run to at the end of the day and nag or share everything and anything i can share.. but as i promised myself.. i wont let him crumble all over again... he broke my heart AGAIN.... i dont understand what the hell he wants... in dance practice he carries me, tips me over until i say sorry.. of course i didnt cuz i DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG TO HIM... everyone yells out ooh "kiss kiss"... but only a few realized how close to crying i was.. i wanted to hug him and tell him i love him.. but i cant.. its just wrong.. why does he care so much if i forgive him or not..  its either he wants me or not...  and right now, i dont know whether to ignore him or pretend that my heart wasnt smashed again.. and the phone rings.. from him.. *what do you want me to do!* think of me

the pain [28 Mar 2007|11:27am] [ mood | gloomy ] i cannot believe that i have resorted to posting my life on the internet.. but as i dont really know who to tell.. i might was well do it this way...  So i broke up with my boyfriend a year ago.. and since them ive fallen in and out of love with him... we faught and faught even if we werent together anymore.. but then in december, things started to get better.. we barely faught.. we would start to talk every night.. we would go out... and just have a great time.. i thought that things could actually be getting better for the two of us..  and just when i thought it was time to tell him how i felt... a certain blast from the past destroyed everything... ISAC came along..  and a certain someone popped back into his life.. and on the last night way passed curfew they met up.. and.... well... broke my heart... i dont understand how after 3 long years he could forget me so quickly without even turning back... he says because i kissed his friend? yah it was a mistake but he did the same.. perhaps even worst. he dated my cousins and friends from out of school... what i really dont understand is why even after all the pain hes put me through... why is it that i am still crazy inlove with him..  and in 3 months we might not ever see each other again... it really breaks my heart... and to add to the stress of this thought, i have no appetite.. and was so close to going to the hospital last night... my back and my stomach hurts like crazy.. i wish he could just give us another chance.. its obvious that i wont be getting that anytime soon though... i hope she makes him happier than i could ever make him...  * making the all isac team.. coming second... and getting compliments from players and coaches i dont even know all seem so pointless to me right now.... all i want is him think of me

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